SOME OF WHAT I DID IN NEW YORK CITY

Before I went to New York City I decided to stay up all night and get an airport shuttle at 4:00 in the morning. Then I sewed copies of Paolo Javier’s LFMAO, bought two big Tecates, hung out with David Brazil in my kitchen for a minute, drank the Tecates, then made a pot of coffee and drank the pot of coffee and waited and then took the shuttle to SFO which was in complete disarray and my flight to New York City was cancelled and they put us in a roped area to stand for two hours and disbelief and then a woman came and told everyone in front of me that they had to wait until tomorrow to go to New York City and then told me I could go in seven hours so I laid down on the floor of the airport and slept kind of and then took an airplane and watched four episodes of The Next Food Network Star and then the plane went to New York but was in a holding pattern and then taxied for a hundred years and then I took the E to the 7 and met up with Paolo and Serena and Paolo and I drank beers and listened to hip hop and talked until really late in the morning and Serena had delicious zucchini/tofu lasagna and I ate it and we talked about everything and then went to sleep. Then I woke up and it was hot and sweaty and Paolo and I went to Sri Pra Phai on 39^th Avenue in Woodside and shared a terrific whole red snapper with a salad of mango the shape and size of spaghetti (how?), cashews, scallions, lime, and lots of spicy chilies and watercress and also before that I had one of those iced espresso in a can things for the first time in my life and then we went to Manhattan and bought 12 bottles of wine and tried unsuccessfully to catch a cab to lower Manhattan and took the train and sweated and it was hilarious and then we went to the Lower Manhattan Cultural Council and Dana Ward was there! and we met all the awesome LMCC people and set up chairs for the reading and a table for the books and then Dana and I snuck out and went to some weird Wall St. Irish bar and Dana had chicken satay (I mean, Irish bar, right?) and a beer and I had a beer and then we went back to the reading and people were streaming in and awesome people, like Stacy and Erica and Brandon and MacGregor and Megan and Julian and Jen and John and Anne and Evelyn and Tracey and Jeremy and Dustin and David and Feliz and others who I did not know their names but were great, and then the reading was tremendous, Dana read “Juicy” (Biggie was omnipresent on my trip to New York City), Stacy S showed the autoportraits and the texts were read by me and Anne Tardos and Evelyn and Erica and Tracey and David Gatten, and Erica read from Censory Impulse and Paolo delivered a slide show of fecund errors in English appropriation and read from LFMAO and then we all went to Fresh Salt and there was lots of room and drank beers and looked at the sky and everyone was hungry and then ate the food and then some of us left Fresh Salt and went to some weird bar I never knew the name of near Wall St. with firemen’s uniforms and bras on the ceiling and quarts of beer in Styrofoam cups which, right, okay?, I know, but when in Rome, etc., and drank the quarts of beer and this whole time I have laughed a ton of laughs because people are saying really fucking funny shit and am totally high on it and then at some point I step outside and talk to John and he tells me about some new artist date he went on and I told him about Kevin’s show at Ratio 3 and how he should go, but that’s in San Francisco and I was currently in New York City, and then anyway after a few Styrofoam beers some of us bail and Julian and Dana and Dustin and I go to the East Village and have even more beers and then Dustin bails and J. and D. and I talk a ton and it’s so terrific and fun and then Julian bails and Dana and I end up at some weird overpriced (I mean, even more overpriced) bar and then we have to go to sleep so I go out and try to get a cab to Sunnyside Queens where I’m staying with Paolo because I’m on vacation and fuck it, I’m taking cabs during my trip to New York City and all these cabs drive by and the drivers say where are you going and I’m saying Sunnyside Queens and they all say sorry boss and drive away but finally I get one and go to Paolo’s and go to sleep. And then I woke up and tried to find this Romanian coffee place that Paolo said was great but didn’t find it so took the 7 into the city and talked to a friend and then it was noon and I wanted to go to a pizza place that was highly recommended but it was only by the pie and I wasn’t hungry for a whole pie or could carry around a whole pie so I decided to wander and just find some place to give me a slice of pie and then I found myself right in fucking front of Momofuku Noodle Bar and they were just opening for lunch and I love Momofuku Noodle Bar so I go in and sit at the bar and everything looks good and I am very indecisive but then decided to just get veal sweetbreads with salted cucumbers and they are delicious meat-donuts (thanks D.) but this is an obviously very perverse breakfast to have by any standards but they are small, and then I’m walking kind of aimlessly but find Dana at a diner in the East Village we go to Carroll Gardens and walk around and by this time it is very very hot and nasty but we are talking about everything on earth and it is great, and then we try to find a place to have a beer and then we find a Peruvian restaurant where a guy is playing a harp and football is on TV and we get a beer called CRISTAL and we both think this is funny and totally awesome, and then we meet Stacy and Erica for brunch at Robin des Bois and there’s an great chandelier and I get two baked eggs with smoked salmon and a glass of rose and we talk and it is great and then we go to an awesome old bar around the corner and we have these little beers and I am really loving Stacy and Erica right then and now and we talk and Erica says she knows Santogold’s sister and we all agree that M.I.A. is awesome and talk and Stacy bails and then we talk and talk and then Erica has to run errands so Dana and I take the train back to the East Village and Dana gets dressed and then we decide that we’ll walk around and try to have a beer and then go to Babbo for dinner but there’s not really a beer place and on the way I confess that I love Chris Brown’s With You and Dana says that obviously he loves Chris Brown but that Poppin’ was kind of more of a jam for him and this whole time by the way we are saying that we’re going to go to the 40/40 club / espn on the screen but anyway walk to where Babbo is and in Washington Square Park people try to sell us fake weed and there’s no bar so we just go to Babbo and sit at the bar and Dana has grilled octopus with beans and a radish and I have agretti alla Romana and then we split a mint ravioli with lamb sausage and then Dana has a veal loin and I just go for it and have sweetbreads again, fennel-dusted with braised onions and we drink vernacchia di San Gimignano and Barbera and this is out of sight and then we leave and we walk around the West Village trying to find a place to have a beer but this turns out to be difficult but it is Friday night and total beautiful mayhem and a fashion show and amazing and then we go to this empty place called the Slaughtered Lamb which we are not feeling too much even though something very awesome did happen there which does not appear in this blog post and then called John Coletti and he was at this bar called the Metal Bar in Greenpoint so we walk to the L and Dana delivers a best of Lil Wayne anthology which is blowing my mind completely and hey Dana, remember if you can to make the Weezy mix for me okay? thanks, and then take the L to Nassau stop and walk to this completely fucked up bar and the bartender looks like Chili Dog Crawford and you get these little like 2/3 beers of Budweiser draft for $1.50 and John’s friend Mark comes and we all buy rounds of these $1.5 beers and the Mets and Cards are in extra innings and there are these loud happy guys who are passing around kielbasas and when everyone goes out to smoke and I don’t go these guys ask me if I play basketball and then they ask me how tall I am and then they jeer me and then ask me if I’m a Mets fan and I hesitate and they make threatening but jovial motions about killing me and then I say that yes I sure am a Mets fan, love the Mets, go Mets, etc. and we talk and talk and talk and it’s really special and terrific and then John’s friend Charles Wolski comes and this totally uncanny moment unfolds because Charles lived in San Francisco until 1998 or 1999 and worked at Maximum Rock n’Roll and worked at the Epicenter and not only were these things so important to me at around the same time, when I moved to San Francisco, but we knew tons of the same people whose minds will be blown when I tell them how we met at this Metal Bar in Greenpoint and then the bartender locks the door and tells us to smoke inside and we do and then start getting pitchers of the Budweiser and then at around 3 he kicks us out and Charles says he saw some weird coke deal go awry and that’s why we had to get kicked out and he helps me get a car and Dana get a cab and I go to Paolo’s in Sunnyside and go to sleep. And really quickly, this whole time I do not check my e-mail so you lovely people who e-mail me and say you want to hang out and give me your cell phone numbers, I’m so sorry! I love you all! But I didn’t check the e-mail and this actually feels great and anyway I wake up and shower and have coffee and start writing about some of what I did in New York City and then I realize that I can make it to Momofuku for opening time again so that’s what I do, and then a thunderstorm starts and lightning and thunder and pouring rain for half an hour so I stay on the train and take the 7 and the 5 and the L to 1^st avenue and go to Momofuku where I see David Chang! and I have the same server as the day before who’s wearing a bandanna and a shirt that reads I’M WASTED, and he says you’re back and I say I’m back and I do not get such a perverse breakfast, instead a salad of mixed greens, cherries, wax beans, chaat and amazing smoked duck breast and I sit by where the cooks cook and I watch them cook and this is really great for me, and then I take the L to Bedford and when I come up it is so gross, I mean, not to hate, but it’s like a total parade of hipsters and boutiques and I am not feeling it but I go into the bookstore and look at a Pettibon book and the catalog for Beautiful Losers which I saw in San Francisco with Kate Pringle but now I am in New York City and I meet up with Monica and we have iced coffee and then to go to the Turkey’s Nest and get quarts of beer in Styrofoam (right?) with lids and straws and go to the park where pickup baseball games are happening and then we meet Monica’s boyfriend Jeff and go to the Pencil Factory in Greenpoint and talk and talk and then the sky gets purple and drops brief but big drops of rain and then I take a cab to Astoria and Brandon Downing and his wife Melissa and Dana and I watch The Dark Knight at this huge theatre complex and it’s corny but fairly absorbing and intense and then we say goodbye to Brandon and Melissa and go back to the East Village and meet up with John again at the Mars Bar which is totally a rock n’roll bar and supposedly has the dirtiest bathroom in Manhattan and I text my friend to come meet us but she says that fucking shithole, come to Brooklyn and I’ll buy you beers but I don’t and we drink beers and talk about San Francisco and New York, which I’ve talked about a lot this weekend so far and we talk about other things and then Arlo comes and we talk about Maine and then John bails and we bail and walk to 4^th and B and eat a slice of pizza on the corner and I pick up this heavy ass box of books and say goodbye to Dana and Arlo and take a cab to Sunnyside but this time they just take me and don’t not take me and Paolo’s still up so we go buy some Brooklyn lagers and talk and I tell him about some of what I did in New York City and I love Paolo and it’s so fun and then Paolo goes to bed and I decide to stay up until 4:30 and then go to the airport to go back to San Francisco but I am so sleepy but I watch this movie where Chris Rock is a struggling comedian who dies before his time and Chaz Palminieri is an angel who gives him a new body of an old white man but inside he’s Chris Rock trying to mack on this girl and he always can’t resist like rapping along with rap songs or doing his comedy which is all about black people and white people but his body is an old white man so people are not feeling it at all and it’s completely stupid but utterly hilarious for me at this moment but I doze off and miss the whole movie so I don’t know what happens in the end and if he gets his Chris Rock body back and gets the girl, but I bet he does get the girl, and miraculously I wake up at 4:00 and pack and wash my face and it’s hot as fuck and I go out and take trains to the airport and the flight is not cancelled at all, and they’re bumping Sufjan Stevens in the airport and I’m totally exhausted and literally overjoyed and I write the rest of some of what I did in New York City and then I write this New York City poem after the 50 minutes of sleep:

Summertime

with this cell phone I can see the visage

of all citizens, so I sit there,

burn grapes and stuff yogurt into my sweetbreads

true love is not reductive or even true,

attacked on all sides by all forms of agencies,

and with each and every Rottweiler

I make fly from my torso with acumen & care

I know a line of Rottweilers awaits

me and my acumen. But all this was

exchange. And I was changed. And my ex

was changed. And we sat together

flour and fat in a roux

watching hacks in braces field grounders and

flip 6-4-3 and somehow everybody’s

out. And safe. And purring.

And then I get on the plane and pass out before take off.